It’s official, albeit shameless. The Bachelorette Season 8 has begun, and Patrick has been duly noted that he will have to vacate the premises or get on board: for the next few months of Monday nights I’m watching Emily Maynard find love.
I know that I’m trying to be a “real” writer, and that writing about a reality TV show is probably not the best way to garner legitimate followers. But hear me out.
I guess there’s a small part of me that season after season hopes beyond hope that this will be the time that the formula actually works. This will be the time that love is really found. I think there’s an element of the “train wreck” psychology at work here, too. I don’t really want to look away.
I’ll be the first to admit that the show is a twisted commentary on our self-absorbed, sex-obsessed culture that loves watching 25 girls fall to pieces over one intellectually stunted man with a six pack. It’s true that this is probably all fake, and that The Bachelor’s producers are a sick bunch akin to the Hunger Games‘ gamemakers. And who are they kidding anyway: we all know that the Biggest Loser has fostered more successful relationships than the Bachelor or the Bachelorette.
But still, the first episode hooked me just like it’s supposed to. Emily gazes out longingly over the concrete jungle of Charlotte, NC. She refuses to be away from her daughter. She whitens her teeth just a few shades brighter. She’s, well, “stunning.” Then, you meet her 25 suitors and already, I know that the gamemakers have pulled out all the stops. Handsome, smart, and charming, these “strategic developers,” or “real estate consultants,” or “importers/exporters” might just win Emily over.
Here are the three I think might just make it to the altar. Let’s see if I’m right.
One “eff” Jef.
Despite his weird hair and skateboard entrance, it seems like he is genuinely interesting, smart, and “cool,” as Emily says. Also, this is the only guy that she says she hopes thinks she is cool too. When a girl is worried that she isn’t cool enough for the guy–that’s a good sign.
Ryan Bowers. Go Blue Hose.
This guy played football at Presbyterian College while my dad was the athletic director there. No big deal. And despite the fact that he probably ignored the cute high school girl standing on the sidelines at practice (read: me), I think he seems pretty normal. His “notes” for the introduction were endearing, and it seems from the “sneak peek” at the end that he’s the type that will stand up for Emily’s honor. Let’s just hope he doesn’t have a temper, like Brad. Or my Dad.
He played the racecar driver thing off really well, I must say. Besides that, he has good hair and seems pretty down to earth. Only time will tell about this guy.
He seems to make a lot of smooching appearances in the sneak peek for the season. I didn’t especially love the purple gingham shirt under his suit on night one (especially since I own one a lot like it), but he seems like Emily might be interested.
Charlie, my personal favorite.
And it’s not just because he’s from Nashville. His tan suit stood out from the rest, and his joke about having a titanium face was funny.
So ladies, (I assume any gentlemen have stopped reading at this point), Those are my top five picks. What do you think?